Originally Posted by PostScript

There are levels of communication.

It's good that you are looking at charismatic people and trying to work out what the difference is between you and them, but what you are missing is what is underneath their behaviour.

A charismatic person says or does something just to amuse themselves or build the sense of fun of the interaction. Other people recognise that their emotional motivation is light and positive, and so it feels congruent and not a burden , so other people accept it positively. That's why they can say things that on paper sound negative, but people will still laugh - that's what banter is.

You on the other hand, infer that you try to behave the same way as them but people don't seem to take it the same way. That's because it's not congruent coming from you, because people can feel that you need a positive reaction to fulfil some issue emotionally.

I'm sorry if this is a little rough by the way, but I am trying to help.

So the question becomes, why do you need approval?

We all need approval, we are social beings. But, you need it because your mind is telling you bad things about yourself. Maybe some kids picked on you years ago. Maybe something bad happened. One way or the other, other people became scary and superior to you in your mind…so now you are stuck, trying to work out what to do to "fix" yourself.

The truth is that building genuine self esteem takes time, it's a mix of doing a lot of new stuff, and letting go of a lot of old stuff.

Try to break any behaviour that makes you feel bad about yourself. Do healthy things instead. Meditate to get your mind under control. Eat clean. Exercise. Play. Have fun. Do things that interest you, that you are good at, that make you feel good about yourself.

It's a bit like a set of scales, you keep taking negative weight of one end, and keep adding positive weight on the other end until eventually your mind, emotions and your life start to tip the other way.

Best of luck buddy, keep us posted!